Why Men Play Football and Make More Money

The masculine brain is naturally wired to slay the dragon, kill the enemy, conquer the mountain, win the woman, make the touchdown.

Why do men earn more than women? Let’s take a look through the filter of our nation’s favorite football game:  The Superbowl.  I hope you’re enjoying good friends, good food, the half-time show, and those hilarious Superbowl commercials.  (I know I will be!)  But first, I thought I’d take a look at why men score more touchdowns, both in football and finances.

Actually, to say “men” and “women” is a gross generalization.  To be more accurate, the differences are better described as “masculine” and “feminine” energy.

Most men (but not all) tend to have more predominately masculine energy than feminine.  Most women (but not all) tend to have predominately feminine energy.  According to intimacy expert/relationship guru David Deida, a few men have more feminine energy than masculine (and vice-versa for women), while a minority of the population remains more equally “balanced” between the two energies.

For most of us, there is a natural pull towards our “core essence” of masculine, for males, and feminine, for females.

And what does this have to do with football OR money!?

You see, it’s not only socialization (which does play a part), but also the natural masculine energy and testosterone of a male that compels him to WIN.  The masculine brain is naturally wired to slay the dragon, kill the enemy, conquer the mountain, win the woman, make the touchdown.

(Yes, yes, I know many sensitive men, too… artists, great listeners, gentle benevolent souls… but we’re talking Superbowl here.  NFL teams weren’t drafting a lot of sensitive New-Age types last I heard, so again, just excuse the stereotype; it only exists because there is some truth to it.)

For many men, winning, conquering, and having a certain “position” in the herd is important.    That’s what “Alpha Male” is all about – competing and defeating.  Perhaps it is no coincidence that the richest man I know (self-made multi0millionaire by his 30’s) was a serious college football player prior to being an entrepreneur.

In our current society, men primarily “keep score” with money. Most men will never have a shot at a Superbowl ring, but they might earn a trophy car, buy a trophy house, or marry a trophy wife.

According to Deida, the #1 motivator of the masculine is Freedom. Ah, yes, “Give me Liberty, or Give me Death!”

This is why men hate being told what to do, have trouble asking for directions, and tend to be less focused on making commitments.  They are generally less obsessed with ideas like engagement and marriage than their feminine counterparts, not because they necessarily want to “play the field”, but because they simply have other priorities.  Like doing what they want, when they want to do it.

Especially high on their list are activities that give them that feeling of “freedom” – the adrenalin rush of speed, losing themselves in the playing of a sport, or when they are all tuckered out, perhaps being left alone in complete control of a remote control.  A man wants to be supported in his missions, and he will choose relationships that allow him that freedom.

For the feminine, the #1 priority for is something quite different: Relationship. Love. Family. Connection. Belonging.

The idea of “being loved” is so important to many women that they are more likely to make compromises, even stay in abusive relationships in order to simply BE in relationship.  Women are also more likely to spend their time imagining their ideal, make-believe love, and taking whatever steps they believe will get them closer to that relationship.  (Or thinking compulsively about the one that got away, strategizing how to win him back and make it work next time.)

Also at the top of her list (possibly at the very top, above romance) is her family and friends.  All sorts of things can be less-than-ideal in her life, but if her primary relationships are good, she will be happy overall.

But what about money?

As a realtor (my former career), I saw some interesting trends.  While not so long ago an “old boys club,” membered with the same characters you might find selling on new or use car lot, real estate has come a long way, baby.

Over 60% of real estate agents are now women, and while still in the minority as brokers, they are gaining ground.  Many clients prefer women agents, and the appeal of the career is obvious:  work with people, snoop in other people’s houses, have a flexible schedule, limitless income opportunity, and the ability to work from home when needed.

But in spite of the feminine infiltration of the industry, I noticed something odd about the statistics.

The top-eschalon earners, the “mega agents” with high multiple six-figure incomes, were and still are almost entirely men.  And in a commission-only industry where women outnumber men, nobody can cry “unfair!”

The results are clear: in a field where people are paid for results and there is no such thing as a promotion, only self-advancement, men tend to earn more.  A lot more.

I believe this is the explanation (remember, the masculine craves freedom, and the feminine cherishes relationships):

Picture the woman realtor hitting 80k or $100k in commissions. Depending on her needs, her tastes, and her neighorhood, she might aim for another $50k or $100k. But at some finite point, her financial needs are likely to feel “fulfilled.”  It’s not that she would turn down another commission or two, but at some point, her priorities have changed.  “Earn a living” now has been checked off of her to-do list, and “spend more time with the kids,” “take a yoga class,” or “go on a cruise with a friend” have moved up on the list of priorities.

For the classical feminine, money is only a means to the end, not the end itself.  It is the means by which a woman creates a stable, balanced life that provides the frame which holds her real treasure – her relationships with her loved ones.

Now picture our alpha-male hitting the same $100k mark. He breathes a sigh of relief to at least be a “six-figure earner.”  Now his eye is on the next six figures.  $200k – great! But doesn’t “a quarter million dollars” sound SOOO much sexier!?  $250k it is! But Brett in the office across the hall made $300k, and drives a nicer car to boot. He’s not going to let Brett kick his ass… $300k – done! What’s next?  How about top 2% of the company, nation-wide?  Half a million… it’s a TOUCHDOWN!

And so on.

Long hours? No problem. Compromising ethics, health, even a relationship for a big payday? Men are more likely to make those choices than women. Women are also much more likely to choose lower-paying careers.

For the high-earning masculine male, money symbolizes the freedom and power he wants.  Financial freedom is, for him, the ultimate freedom, representing for him all other freedoms.  And beyond simply having what he wants, he wants to “win,” to go home with the superbowl victory in his office, his field, his family, on his block.

I heard multi-millionaire entrepreneur and philanthropist Thach Nguyen speak last night.  In the course of telling a wonderful story, Thach mentioned a desire he had held to “build a skyscraper.”  (The story of his actually building a high-rise deserves a whole ‘nuther post.)  But think about it – how many women have “build a skyscraper on their Bucket List?  Or the ambition and drive to complete such a goal by the age of 38?

If your girlfriend said she wanted to “build a skyscraper,” would you give her a high five, or recommend a therapist!?

A community catalyst for contribution, Thach is a role model for men and women alike.  But make no mistake, the alpha-male drive pushed Nguyen to reach levels of financial and career success that might not have been even particularly attractive to women.  (As a realtor, I used to see Nguyen’s many listing signs everywhere, and wonder how he could find time to eat and sleep!)

Women don’t earn as much as men because, oftentimes, it’s just not as important to women as it is to men. Women tend to gravitate towards lower-paying “service” industries and helping professions.  While the masculine plans and strategizes for the future, the feminine would prefer to have fulfillment now, fulfillment perhaps in the form of helping others or working with people, even if it comes with a smaller paycheck.

I have to admit, I get weary of the typical articles about women and income. The disparity of earnings is lamented, with out-dated statistics that show women earning between 70 – 77% of male counterparts, depending on the source and the year.  Then the typical article observes “how far we have to go,” with clear insinuations that alas, as much progress as we have made, we are still the “victims” of this male-dominated society.

Damn those football-playing sons of bitches.

Whether male or female, if we are victims of anything, it is ourselves.

Our unwillingness to negotiate for what we’re worth.

Our lack of confidence as to our own value in the marketplace.

Our complacency to “settle” instead of going for what we really want.

Our failure to make the logical connection between having money and having more time to be able to enjoy the people and activities that mean the most to us.

Our weak commitment and spotty discipline to do the things we know we should do – earn more and spend less.

Our fear that if we climb the ladder of external success, we might not be loved quite as much.

Our inability to envision ourselves as truly worthy and wealthy, successful on every level, inside and out.

Have women been affected by economic injustices?  Of course.  But looking for prejudice and injustice under every rock is only a distraction that sends us searching for solutions “out there” – expecting lawmakers, employers, and others to fix things for us, when we’re already wearing the ruby slippers.

We are already powerful, worthy, and abundant.  We just might not believe it yet.

(Or perhaps we do…  2017 update: women in their 20’s are now achieving earning parity, according to several sources.)

As I tell my Living in Abundance students, we don’t get to choose whether we “play the money game” or not.  Unless we’re going to live on a self-sufficient farm off the grid, raise our own food and make our own clothes, we dwell in an economic society in which money is the medium of exchange.  We’re in the middle of the money game. We can’t escape it.  We can only choose how we want to play it.

And the money game is really not any more complicated than football.  It’s all about offense (earning money) and defense (not losing what you’ve gained to someone else).  Relying on your team members (accountant, realtor, financial planner), making sure you’re properly protected for the game (insurance), and having a good coach to help you get to the next level.  (I’m happy to explore with you…)

Putting on the Blitz: The Football Book for Women

While I’m on the topic of Football, I can’t resist giving a shout-out to my friend Suzanna Gagnier, a brilliant, talented, creative goddess who also happens to be a bona-fide football expert and former statistician, she is the author of Putting on the Blitz, The Football Book for Women.  Gals, if you want to know more about this game that your man loves (and maybe you love it, too), or guys, if you want to give your gal a classy gift that will explain to her in plain english and full-color glossy beauty the ins and outs of football, check out this classy, large-format, hardcover coffee-table book.  Suzanna also has a great article on “Dating a Football Fanatic” for Yahoo! Personals.

Have a great game!

PS – Updating–there are some interesting comments on this survey for realtors. Most are women saying they have never felt held back by their gender, some saying they have chosen to put other priorities (such as children) first, nearly all respondents saying their is no discrimination in real estate, in spite what seemed to be the survey agenda: https://www.inman.com/2016/10/05/real-estate-industry-gender-problem/

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